Sunday, 2 March 2014

PART 2: WHY I BROKE UP WITH THE FATHER OF MY SON


By on 16:00
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Ara talks to the GDA
The next publicity that courted Ara on returning to Nigeria after her exile was her marriage to the scion of the traditional ruler of Oworon Shoki in Lagos, South West Nigeria, Prince Olalekan Saliu who is the father of her only son, but the union broke barely three years into it. Ara for the very first time revealed factors that led to the breaking of the union, she told asabeafrika everything. Read on.

THE CHEMISTRY OF MAN BY ARA
Ara, GDA and her son, Irewole.
 “What went wrong with my marriage was majorly youthful exuberance. I refused to see the signs during courtship; the signs were there during courtship. But because I felt like ‘Ok, the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know’ I decided to stick. My father (late Alhaji Hameed Olamuyiwa, Baba Adinni of Ondo kingdom) warned me, my mother equally warned but I went ahead and I wasn’t this close to God. And even at that, as a prodigal daughter, I saw things but I refused to listen. Violence was in the relationship from the onset. And by the time I got into it and I had my child and things started going wrong, the union started going wrong, I tried my best but I couldn’t leave him because some other women were involved in his life. I am a very practical person, I don’t deceive myself.  A man will have as many (concubines) as he want to, but as long as he doesn’t rub it in your face, he doesn’t bring it to your home, he respects you and does his part. He is there when you need him; whatever spare time he spends with the other people is just the time he can afford to waste. But in a case where he spends the most precious of his time with you, don’t go out there and look for his mistresses. Yeah, it is true. It is true, I have learnt from a lot of people, much older women and my mother would tell me ‘listen, iwo ni aso amurode, akisa ni awon yen’ (You are his indispensable clothe for the proverbial outing, they are his rags). His concubines are the rags; you can’t wear a rag to an auspicious occasion. So, I was never bothered about his women. In fact there was a time that I picked his call and one of his women friends insulted me and I said to her “My sister, you are right. I shouldn’t have picked this call” and I dropped the call and quickly sent her a short message (SMS). I said “Please, forgive me. I am very sorry. It is not your fault, it is his fault”. You know, after we separated, she was one of the people I called. I said “I have left him, maybe he will work with you now?”, and she asked “I hope it is not because of me that you left your husband?” I said “No, because you are not the only issue, we had other issues”.  She was like “ah, ah? Please drop, let me call you back”. She called and said “Who are you?” I said “why do you ask?” She said “Because, I have my own husband, I was just having fun with your husband”. She didn’t know I was Ara. It was later she now found out. She called and said “So, you are the famous Ara?” and I said “Listen, it is not about stardom or status. It is about your orientation”. She said she needed to meet me, that she can’t imagine hurting a person like me. I said “why should I bother?” I don’t need to bother, when I need him at home, he is there to do his part. Any woman that want to live long, to be honest, any woman that want to live long in her marriage and be the mother of her children, do not bother about what your man does outside as long as he does his part at home and perfectly well and as long as he does not beat you because violence is the only thing I believe a woman should not condone because there are so many things in a man’s world that we will never understand as women”.
YES, VIOLENCE BROKE MY MARRIAGE

Ara.... I give all praises to God Almighty
We wanted to know why her ex found it cool to cheat on such a beautiful lady like ARA, was she cheating on him in anyway? “I never for one second, this is my Holy Bible (Touched a large black colored Bible on her desk) cheated on my husband? Not for a second; I wash his clothes, I cook his food, and I served him myself. I mean, I pounded (Yam) for him, he was the one that said “No, don’t pound again, buy the flower one (Poundoyam) and make for me”. I don’t allow house maids to wash his clothes. The one I can’t wash, I will take it to the drycleaner as a sign of respect. Because he was my Ade Ori (Crown) I wanted a home. I am a very romantic person. I am a very deep and passionate woman, and when I give myself to a man, I give everything. Anything I have is his and I give him that respect. And I have learnt a lot of things from older women, that if you want to live long and be happy; do not, don’t give room for hearsay because either your man is rich or handsome, they will come after him.  If he is rich, they will come after him, if he is handsome and he is not rich, they will come after him. And even if he is none of the two, he will have people coming after him at his own level. So, why do you want to kill yourself? For the fact that he is lying to you, and telling you ‘there is nothing like that’, he respects you, so why don’t you just live and be happy. Let his lie be your truth. Accept him, that part of him that he is showing to you, accept it. The only reason why my marriage didn’t work was violence. Apart from that, I would have been able to cope with everything because I wanted to be the mother of my son. That was just it”.
HOW I MET MY EX & THE LIE THAT HELD THE MARRIAGE
Ara...My deal with Atunda was a bondage.
  Ara went ahead to reveal the genesis of her encounter with the Oworon Shoki prince in 1995 and how he kept appearing and disappearing from her life for several years before the date finally clicked “Yes, we did met a long time ago, that was 1995 but our courtship was brief. We dated briefly before he travelled out. He came back in 2001 and I was already Ara by then (Famous Ara). But by the time he came back, really, I had gone through a lot in the course of keeping out of relationships because of him, some family members said “Maybe, you need to talk to him, what went wrong, why did he abandon you because during that period, I met different people that I would have dated but I refused to date any of them. It was later I now got to know that he had fathered two children while abroad. It was then I made up my mind and started dating someone else at the time. So, he came back and apologized to me. He said, ‘I am sorry, I did this, I did that because of circumstances beyond me”. To be honest with you, he is a very nice guy (Olalekan Saliu). He is a very nice guy, he has a good heart. He can give you anything. And we were in love; we were truly in love. As for me o, I was in love. I don’t know what happened. So, when he came back in 2001, he misbehaved again. So, I just told myself, this is it. He came back in 2004; I refused to have anything doing with him. He came back in 2006 and then I was ill, I had surgery and he came to see me at the hospital. Then, in 2007, he came again and he kept begging that he has changed, that he is now a better man. So, I said ‘ok, why not. Let’s give it a trial’ and that was how it started. That was how we went into it. We had a Nikkai, we had a registry wedding. We had a huge wedding ceremony; a huge one and we became husband and wife”.
HOW WE BLEND OUR DIFFERENT FAITH
 
Ara looking ahead
Being a Christain and marrying a Muslim must have come as a challenge for Ara, hear what she said “That was never really a challenge in the sense that I am from a Muslim home too; I was  born a Muslim but now, I am a Christian by faith. My parents are Muslim but of all my father’s children, every one of us is Christians. My father is the (former) Baba Adinni of Ondo Central Mosque. But his children are all Christian because my dad schooled in the United Kingdom, my dad is an Oxford graduate, so, he is liberal, a very enlightened man. He is a liberal minded person. My mum came from a Catholic home and she married a Muslim. Out of love and respect for my dad, she went to Mecca and practiced the religion for his sake.  She did that out of love and respect for her husband. But in my own case, I told my husband from onset that I can not compromise my Christian faith because I have a personal relationship with Christ long time ago. Christ appeared to me in a trance; He came to me and in that vision where he appeared to me, I was on a plank in the middle of third mainland bridge. I couldn’t go forward, I couldn’t go backward. The bridge was separated, I now stood on that plank and said “God, how would I fulfill my destiny, I am stranded”. From out of nowhere, somebody touched me and it was Christ, in His glowing majesty. In all His Glory and He didn’t say a word. He just stretched His hand and by the time I put my hand in His, I was already at my destination. So, as I was coming down I was looking for Him, but He was far off, going. In the trance, I was shouting, “Hey let me thank you! Let me thank you! Why did you help me? I don’t even know you. He just looked at me; he smiled and waved and disappeared. What it meant to me is this; trust me. So, I had a personal relationship with Christ. So, I told him (Husband) and he knows. In fact, it was a tradition then, when he wakes up in the morning, he will say “Ala wo lotun la leni” (which revelation did you have of me today?”) Because of my gift of clairvoyance and at a time I realized that the entire dream I was seeing and relating to him made him know that I was having a lot of information about him and he felt uncomfortable. so, I stopped telling him my dreams and he got angry with me and said “well, a’a kuku mo nkan ton ri loju ala moo nisinyi” “Aa kuku mo nkan ton fi han e, oo kuku so nkan fun wa mo” (I don’t know what you saw about me in your dream any longer, you don’t reveal things to me any longer). So, I stopped telling him anything. But at that time, I already made up my mind that I was leaving the relationship, it was three years relationship, we got back in 2007 and we married in 2010”
MY SUCCESS GAVE HIM HEADACHE + LAST STRAW THAT BROKE OUR MARRIAGE.

 
Ara in a rare pose
Asabeafrika
made enquiry to know what was the final straw that broke her marriage to Prince Saliu and if she ever thought her ex-husband in any way felt uncomfortable with her towering status? Ara has the answer “The last time I told myself that if he hits me again, I will leave. Because it happened in front of my son at times; and it was for no reason other than insecurity on his part. In fact, when I was in the union with him, my career was not moving anywhere because I was more at home; I wanted to please him. So, I only picked shows that I knew that will not bring trouble. I think a lot of things changed about him that I didn’t take into cognizance at the beginning of the marriage. It was never bound to be a good relationship from the beginning but I wasn’t spiritual enough about it, I took every thing with levity. But I thank God for manifesting Himself in the whole scenario. God was the only factor I had over every other thing”. This blog asked the very gifted talking drummer to define what she meant by saying the union wasn’t meant to have hold initially? This is what she said “After our separation, I found out that while we were together, he was still legally married to two women who annulled my marriage to him automatically. I went to see Festus Keyamo the lawyer and he said to me ‘Madam, sorry, you were a mistress. You were never a wife. Because he had an existing marriage before mine and luckily I was able to relate with the lady in question. She sent me their marriage certificate and I took it to the registry where we got married and my entire marriage certificates were nullified. And that was it”.  On weather her ex made efforts to reconcile she had this to say “He calls me everyday now, begging me to come back, he says to me, “Lola, you are a good woman and I know you are a good woman. I am sorry, it was the devil, please come back”. But I can’t because he already has a child by another woman. Eight months into our separation, a lady had a child for him. Apparently she was pregnant all the while. That is not even an issue as far as I am concerned but there is more to it and I really don’t want to talk about it. I have said that I can never, never go back. I love my son so much, even if that was his last wish, I wont. I won’t honor it, I have my reasons”. 
(Lessons I learnt from my broken marriage by Ara; watch out for the concluding part on this blog in 48hrs. time)

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1 comments:

  1. Good interview and quite revealing as it were. I think she deserve a memoir in this form. I am quite surprised she went through all that in a life time. The Lord is her strenght o.---Kunle Ajibade

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