Thursday, 6 March 2014

PART 3: WHY I WANT TO GIVE LOVE A SECOND CHANCE


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Ara in this concluding part of her memoir like encounter with asabeafrika gave insight into what caused the breaking of most marriages in society and equally proffer time tested strategies that contemporary women can apply in making their relationships work. In trying to find out what her heart has made concerning marriage and love for a man, Ara told asabeafrika in a most frank and candid manner that she is definitely going to give love a second chance no matter the enormity of what her ex-husband did to dampen her psyche; hear her “I want to love and be loved, I still believe in love. I Still believe that love would find me and I deeply believe that there is someone out there for me”. In this concluding part of her marathon interview with Africa’s number One encounter blog, asabeafrika, Ara showed the stuff and myth that keeps her as one of world strongest woman. Take a time and enjoy the final say of the talking drummer.


I STILL BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE
When we asked if Ara is not paranoid to find herself under the roof of a man for the umpteenth time with the kind of tribulations her first marriage gave to her, she didn’t lose thought in finding a good answer, “No, because I have come to realize too many things about relationship. Really, why make noise? Is it because I am a celebrity or I am a star? Why make noise? I know myself; I live a very decent life. I don’t need to shout; I don’t need the whole world to know. When you see me glowing, you will definitely know that this woman is being loved. She has a good life, I don’t need to shout it out, let me keep my baby to myself. That is the way I would do it when next I find a Mr. Right.  I want to love and be loved. I still believe in love, I still believe that love would find me and I deeply believe that there is someone out there for me. And the truth is when this person comes, trust me; I won’t celebrate it in the papers. Because it is going to be something I am going to cherish, something that is just going to be between myself, him and God. I wouldn’t make any noise about it except he feels otherwise”.

THE CRITERIA FOR MR. RIGHT & WHAT EX LACKED 
On what she expects from the next man that will be bold enough to walk her to the aisle, she reeled the qualities out “The first thing for me is that the man must be spiritually sound. I can not marry somebody or date somebody who is spiritually low. It is not possible, I need spiritual intelligence. Secondly, the person must have a good heart; I don’t like someone who is materialistic because the flesh controls us now, but what speaks is the soul and that is what will outlive the flesh. And what matters most to me is what happens after the flesh packs up; and that is my focus. That is how I see things; I don’t look down on people. I know that we are all here for an assignment. We are all in transition and we have a case with God. We have somebody we are going to report to. And I told God, when I do my praise worship sometimes, I say ‘Father, at the end of it all, one thing that I want; that I ask Him, I must see you’. I do not want to see You from afar but the way You are. Because if you think about the way the whole world is running, the way things are happening, don’t you want to see God? Don’t you want to behold His Greatness and Majesty and say “Bawo Lolorun yii se rii naa?” (How great is this God?). I feel like crying now, talking about Him because He touches me and I ask ‘who is this Man?’ that a whole Janjala me would kneel down, would fast and pray and I get answers like that. I must see Him. So, for me the man must have the knowledge of who God is.

Lastly, the man must be able to do his part as the man of the house, in terms of taking care of his woman, taking care of his children. He must be responsible. But first thing for me is his spiritual mindset because that is what that matters to me because the Bible says ‘when you have God, you have everything’. Everything will be added unto you. The heart of everyone is in His hand; who do you want to go and meet? Where do you want to go? Call God first, He will go wait for you there; He will go and make the crooked ways smooth. So, for me, it is all about God”.

WHAT MY FORMER MARRIAGE STOLE FROM ME.
On how she was able to face life after she broke up with her ex, Ara got a sad tale to tell asabeafrika “By the time I left my marriage, I didn’t have a dime. I couldn’t even afford to buy Golden Morn for my son. I couldn’t afford to pay my son’s school fees. I was down there but I cried unto God. I said “God! I refuse to be conformed to the stereotyped; I refuse to sell my body for money, I refuse to dance to the tune of the world. You said I should call on “You” and You will answer me. Did you not say I should knock, you will open? I quoted His word back to Him because he told me that none of His words will come back to Him void except it has accomplished that for which it was said. First of all, He does not lie. I called His name and I fasted and God manifested Himself mightily in my life. God is indeed God. One of my last contracts came to me as a surprised package.
After I had fasted and prayed, they called me for an interview and I called one of my staff; I said “let’s go to the ATM and get some money”. By the time we were at the ATM, an unknown man came unto me and said “Wind down”. I looked at the man; I saw that he had a Bible in his hand. His eyes were like that of someone who has been fasting for like forty one days.  He was dressed in a blue, neat Adire. He wasn’t a beggar; neither was he a mad man. As I wound the window down, he said “let us pray”. So, I bowed my head and he said “pray for God’s Success and divine backing over the new project you are about to embark on”. We prayed and prayed and he asked me to go and buy anointing oil and also prescribed a Psalm for me to read. That I should read for twenty one times before I call on God.
Meanwhile I had been told that there was no money for that particular contract, after we had spent a fortune on research and presentation. So, I was devastated but I said “God! That is not my news”. By the time, my staff came back to me in the car, he said “Yeye, ATM o fun wa lowo o” (Madam, ATM didn’t give us money). And I said to him, ‘don’t worry. The person God wants us to see, I have seen him. Let’s drive back to the office’. So, I quickly bought the anointing oil because I was fasting that day, I bought it and prayed with the particular Psalm for the number of times the unknown man asked me to pray on it. And by twelve midnight that same day, the spirit of God woke me up and I was given some Psalms; it was like David wrote those Psalms for me, directly to my issue. After reading them, I anointed my head to my feet. The following morning, before 9: AM, the call I got was “Come, your money is paid. Come for your cheque”. So, nothing moves me except God. So, when somebody tells me, ‘oh, there is a problem’, I tell the person “Do you know God?” “Have you experienced God?”
GOD HEALED MY LEVER ILLNESS
In extolling the virtues of God, Ara told asabeafrika how God healed her of a liver problem recently, hear the testimony “I was sick recently and I went to the hospital, they said I have liver problem. I got the result. I called one or two people, we got to the hospital and I did series of tests. God has shown me the number of years I would live; I called unto Him, I said ‘Baba, this thing is not possible now; you have shown me the number of years I would live. You even added ten years to it recently. I said ‘so, what is this?’ So, the two radiologists that I met were Christians; one is Deeper Life, the other is Redeem; they said “Do you know God?” I said “I know God”. They said “Ok, Pray”. I prayed. I called God. I wept. I talked to Him. I said ‘You did it before; I know You will do it again. It is not my portion”. So, after that, we went for the final text and they said ‘they can’t find anything’. Nothing there, I said ‘God! Thank You. You are with me’.

That is why when I see people going through challenges, trying to use human knowledge or use their body to amass wealth or they think they are intelligent, I take pity on them. That brain that you even have in the first place, that is working, if God stops it from working, what can you do? Someone that can make you to sleep and not wake up, my uncle, my mother’s immediate younger brother slept and didn’t wake up; I have seen it happen. So, you sleep and you wake up, you think it is by your power or because you are beautiful, you are smart, you are sexy. You are a star! You are a celebrity. Excuse me! If they put everybody on TV today, everybody will be famous, because you are on TV and they show your face everyday does not make you anything special. It is that talent and for the fact that you are being advertised as a product that doesn’t mean that you should useless yourself and your God given talent. God gives talent because He says ‘a man’s talent will make a way for him’. But talent is being abused in this country today, and they group all of us together and it is so painful because there are places that you want to go and you really mean to say certain things but they look down on you and they will say “Ah, awon Omo actress yen ni (This useless actresses are here); we can not practice foreign culture here; so, my man must be full of wisdom and of course, he has to be good looking because I am a good looking woman (laughter)

I AM SINGLE & SEARCHING FOR TRUE LOVE
 Ara reinstated her faith that the right man will come her way soon but by God’s grace, hear her “I am certain that I will find love. I am a beautiful woman; I have a good heart. Above all, I have God. It is not about being beautiful, it is not about being wealthy or rich. It is God that can choose; beauty alone can not do it. In fact I have told God that I would not be swept over by any carnal advances, I have a long list of admirers.  But I am not interested in any one of them I want God to choose for me. So, I know that at God’s appointed time, the right person would come. But for now, I am not dating anybody”.

ARA ACCORDING TO ARA
Asabeafrika asked the Ondo state born artiste to describe herself away from the general perception of fans and foes and she went thus; “Ara is the first female talking drummer in the history of the Yoruba race. Ara is fierce and fearless. She is beautiful. Very creative and talented; she is a no nonsense person. Ara possesses some powers that help her move from one stage to the other. Ara is not an ordinary human being. No, Ara is not. I dare to say that. She is not”.
WHAT YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT MEN
To end the encounter, we asked Ara to tell us what she would tell a thousand and one spinsters in a ball room if she finds herself in a Marriage seminar and she is the guest lecturer “My chief message to them is first, if you want to get married, be yourself.  Know God. Be the virtuous woman the Bible talks about. And make up your mind; do not expect a bird of roses. Make up your mind that no matter what happens; so long that it does not cost your life or it is not violent related, you must keep that marriage. Truth is that men love their wives; there is no dispute about this.

There are so many things that women would not understand about a man’s world and we just have to stop trying to understand it. Accept the lie he tells you to be the truth and love him more. A man loves to be a king in his home, make him feel like a king in his home. Make his home like paradise; whatever that he needs out there, he can find it at home. Believe me, he chooses you above all, to share his life with. That is a big debt. It is not an easy step to take. So, you have to take all these into consideration. I have a five years old son now, and I can relate certain things with him. I look at him, I am teaching him how to behave; the other day, he hits his nanny, I spanked him, I said you don’t raise your hand against a woman. If you are angry, you speak out and he does not know how to lie to me. I will say ‘I am not beating you because you just told me the truth, but when I know that he has slipped a bit, I spank him and he cries and say ‘I am sorry. It is not easy but that is how to go about it. Every woman should know that a man is a baby; they are our babies, we must nurture them, pamper them. We are their backbones; behind every successful man is a woman who prays and fast for him and covers him. You are his mother, you are his friend, you are his confidant, you are his partner in crime, in love, in everything, do not listen to hearsay; ‘oh, they find him with this, they find him with that, no.

But most importantly, make sure there is love. Do not blind your eyes to the facts during courtship and expect him to change after marriage. It would not work that way, don’t deceive yourself, don’t marry for money, don’t marry for fame. A lot of marriages crash today because of material things; you want to marry into a popular family. You want to marry because the guy has money or the guy has a good job. You are not marrying the man; they don’t even know the man they are marrying. They will now get into the marriage after they have gotten the wedding vow, you will see married women, you will see a married woman, having extra-marital affairs.  See, if a man does, it is like a norm. Men are naturally known for such, the society does not frown at it. But as a woman, you are in your husband’s house and you are sleeping around, you are cursing the destiny of your children. Women are powerful but they don’t know the power they have.

When God created Adam, He took him from the ground. When God created Eve, He took a bone from Him (Adam) but other ingredient that made up a woman, God did not reveal it. You are a powerful instrument but you don’t know it. So, as a woman, you carry destinies in your stomach and whatever you do would affect the lives of the destinies you have carried and the generation of those destinies would come to an end. So, think right, if you are under a man’s roof and you are committing adultery, you are cursing yourself and you are cursing the children of your womb and in future, they will know and they will curse you. It is important a woman knows all these before she gets married”.

Gbenga Dan Asabe

Africa's Number One Celebrity Encounter Blog

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