Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Moneywise 18: Get your spouse involved in your money


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Nigeria's Advertising Guru, Biodun Shobanjo & Wife Mrs. Shobanjo


The break lasted for quite a while. We all wanted to reflect deeply. While the meditation was on, a young, dark complexioned lady walked in and greeted everybody in the room.
Dele introduced his wife as Funmi who had been married to him for seven years. My Mentor had requested that she be invited to take part in the diagnostic exercise. He had a way of drawing out sensitive information from someone without appearing to be doing so.

“Welcome my dear lady. How is London?” he asked. Funmi responded positively to the question. He continued: “Please don’t be offended. I told Dele to ask you to join us so that we can have a holistic discussion of the issue at hand. If I may ask, what is the balance in your husband’s bank account?” “I don’t know sir”. Funmi responded. “When last did the two of you discuss the state of your finances?” she paused. “I can’t recollect any time we sat down to discuss financial issues. Actually, I don’t intend to report him (Dele), but that is the major problem I have with him. He has never taken me into confidence on how he spends his money”. Funmi disclosed.


How my husband squandered his earnings without me; She continued, “Unfortunately, he has insisted I should not work. I wasn’t comfortable with that at all. I got so frustrated at a point that I said 1 would like to return to Nigeria while he stayed in London. He was earning much but I was a bit concerned about his recklessness. We are supposed to be Christians and I know how we prayed to God to give him a breakthrough job. And God did. But he has never paid any tithe. He has not been saving anything. He was just behaving as if he could call on money anytime. He was hardly at home to relate with the family. It was only recently when he lost his job that he became sober. I like him. I want him to succeed but he doesn’t think my advice counts. Sir, any advice you can give him to make him change will do us good.”
“If the woman in your life is your real wife, she would want you to succeed. There is a reason God has given you your wife and even if your wife is not up to the standard you desire, it is your God-ordained responsibility that you bring her up to the level where she can match you in terms of mental development”

I wasn’t too sure if Dele was embarrassed by his wife’s revelations. But I noticed that he bowed his head all through in a pensive mood. I actually felt sorry for him.
“That is the crux of the matter”. my Mentor interjected suddenly. “You have refused to carry your spouse along in your financial affairs. That is a costly mistake”. He proceeded to ask each of us to close one eye and view everything around us. We did and he asked us to open our eyes and use the two to view what we had viewed with an eye.
“What is the difference?” he asked. “One could see better with two eyes than with one”, I volunteered. 


Your wife may be your savior in financial matters. “That is right. Let me share this with you. Our God is a purpose-driven God. There is nothing He has created without first determining a specific purpose for it. Every part of your body has a function, but you won’t appreciate it until there is a disease with that member. God wants us to see more and listen more than we talk. That is why He gave us two eyes, two ears and a mouth. If He wants you to talk more than you listen, He would make your mouth double. God did not give you a partner to become a liability to you. Your spouse should be an asset, complementing your efforts to achieve your destiny. I have noticed many men make this mistake. They keep their wives completely out of their financial affair. They don’t share with them regularly their financial situation. The excuse is that once the woman knows the state of things, there would be the tendency to want to force the husband to spend everything on them”.

What a Good Wife can do for you
“I want to say here that nothing could be farther from the truth. Let me share my experience with you. My wife knows every detail about my financial affairs. She knows the balances in all my local and foreign bank accounts. I put everything I have at her disposal and I want to confess that her involvement in my financial matters has been a blessing, not a curse. If the woman in your life is your real wife, she would want you to succeed. There is a reason God has given you your wife and even if your wife is not up to the standard you desire, it is your God-ordained responsibility that you bring her up to the level where she can match you in terms of mental development. My wife had prevented me several times from making costly financial mistakes. I learnt in a costly way that God has blessed women with sensitive antennae to sense danger from afar. In most cases they may not be able to explain it, but they know when danger lurks. And it is in the interest of any man to listen to his wife when she is making suggestions. She may save you from unnecessary heartache and from committing avoidable financial suicide”.   .

“Informed millionaires don’t sidestep their spouses; they take them along when they are taking major financial decisions”.  Pausing and looking in my direction, he continued, “Ask my friend to share his experience with you. He lost all the savings in his local and foreign bank accounts by not listening to his wife’s counsel”
He turned to Dele again. “You will definitely get over this matter by the grace of God, but I want you to let this stick in your consciousness. You have chosen to marry. Your spouse should play an active part in your financial matters. It is a different thing if you are not married. Sit down with your wife regularly. Sell your vision to her. Get to know her vision as well and assist her to achieve her dream to the best of your ability. Why would you want your wife to be a full-time housewife? That is not what God created her to do here on earth. Now, you took many major decisions without involving your wife. Did you not know that ultimately, she would be at the receiving end of whatever decision you take? God is using this situation to reveal to you the area you need to focus on. Wake up.”
At this point he went into a lengthy one-to-one discussion with Dele and his wife. The two of them eventually embraced each other. Funmi excused herself while the three of us remained, continuing our discussion on
Moniplexes.

(Excerpts from the book: “THE MILLIONAIRES CAPSULES” by AYO AROWOLO. Read “The Power of Purpose & Provision” tomorrow on this blog)
Ayo Arowolo, Publisher The Millionaires' Capsules

Gbenga Dan Asabe

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