|Famous Nigerian Magazine Publisher, Chief Dele Momodu with famous Afro Juju Music Star, Sir Shina Peters|
There will be times when you really annoy other people. In fact, being a Rules Player may get right up their noses even if they haven’t a clue what it is you are doing.No one likes a smart arse and you might be seen as one if you cut loose from the herd and start looking good and looking cool. They may have a go. They may like to have a pop at you. How do you defuse their anger?
First you have to understand that there are two types of anger:
· Justified anger
· Tactical anger
“Tactical anger is, however, another thing entirely. Tactical anger is used to make you do things you don’t want to. People lose their temper to intimidate you. The worst thing you can do is let them get away with it”
Justified anger is exactly that – justified. You just ran over their foot in your car because you weren’t looking. They are quite justifiably pissed. What do you do? You get out of the car and apologize. Say, and mean, that you are sorry. Don’t deny it was your fault. Don’t tell them it is nothing and they are making a bit of a fuss and you once had your entire leg ripped off and never even noticed. Don’t try and explain why you weren’t looking where you were going. Don’t try to brush off the whole thing – ‘I’d have thought you’d have been pleased to have had your foot run over by a top of the range Aston Martin’. And for God’s sake don’t laugh.
Justifiable anger needs a result. If you have done something wrong listen to them – they are angry. You have made them so. Listen to what you have done wrong. And then apologize and find some way to put things right. Show the person that you sympathize – you may not be able to give them what they want but you can still let them know that you appreciate their feelings. Don’t brush their feelings aside – they are justified.
Tactical anger is, however, another thing entirely. Tactical anger is used to make you do things you don’t want to. People lose their temper to intimidate you. The worst thing you can do is let them get away with it. If you do, they’ll keep doing it, to you and to others. You must stop the it once. The way to do this is simply to say. ‘I don’t like shouted at/threatened/intimidated/bullied/whatever, and I shall leave if you don’t stop/calm down/put your fists down/let go of my throat’, whatever.
If they continue then just leave. That’s it. Say nothing; just walk out of the room. Do this often enough and they get the message.
(Excerpts from THE RULES OF WORK by Richard Templer Read “How to Stand Your Grand” from The Rules tomorrow on Asabeafrika)
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