Thursday, 17 November 2016

The KSA Memoir: Why no woman ever lived with me under same roof + How I sleep with each of my women


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KSA...In love with his Microphone

“It is hard to believe but I don’t know how to chase women.  Honestly, I don’t know how to say to a girl that I love her and I want her to be my lover.  I cannot remember ever saying those words. I am only lucky because before I talk to a girl, she already knows what is on my mind. That makes it easy for me because the only thing I cannot stand is rejection from a girl. 
I don’t even know what to say to a girl I like apart from ‘good day’.  My fear is for any girl to refuse my approach.  I can only remember writing a love letter once in my life. But I received hundreds.  And the reason I wrote that letter was because the girl was about to travel out of the country with her family.  Poor me!  I did not receive any reply from her.


KSA...Lives alone from the foibles of women
The story of the 2 Ayos in my early life…
I had already formed my band before I was able to start a relationship.  I met her (Ayo is her name) in the thick of the Nigerian civil war (1967/68) in Lagos.  It was a tough time for us as musicians.  Nobody was throwing any party.  And if you go to the hotel to play, the Army would arrest you.  I had nothing on me.  But she stood by me all the same.  She came from a wealthy family so I did not even bother to ask her to marry me, an ordinary struggling musician.  But she was there for me as the tension in Lagos as elsewhere prevented real business to go on.  She would go to the extent of bringing money from her parents for me.  But the moment I managed to play somewhere, I always paid her back. I have that habit of paying back any money I take from a woman.  This is because I believe that if I don’t pay back, she might ask for it when I might not have it and a third party would know.
KSA...Gives wives best offer
It would have been a very romantic and long lasting relationship but both of us were inexperienced.  Therefore any little misunderstanding between us was taken as a war and days would pass before we even greet ourselves.  We kept malice for no just cause and quarreled at the slightest provocation.  In the midst of this, she became pregnant.  She did not know, neither did I; we were still engaging in our petty quarrels.  By then I had become close with a lady I chose to call my sister who was the wife of Tejuoso, alias Teje.  I told her to help me settle the matter.  She intervened but nothing changed.  I became confused the more.  I could not understand what was happening and I could not wait for it to run its full course.

My answer to the problem was to get another woman who I felt would be more understanding.  Her name to my surprise is also Ayo. Again she was trained by the same person who trained my first wife and once lived in the same house with her!  The day they met it was terrible for me.  Without wishing to, my journey to polygamy had begun…
KSA...The Enigma
How I became Baba Ibeji…
I really do not want to go into my marital life because it is a very sad thing in my life. This is for the sake of my children.  They know I am a polygamist but telling the story of how I met this or that I don’t want to tell that story.  In everything I do I try not to refer to how many wives or children I have but one thing I have always prayed to God for is to give me a set of twins.  I love twins.  At the young age of nine, I usually followed mothers of twins anytime they danced round the town, as was the practice those days from morning till night without eating. Then I said to God, “I love twins, if you ever give me baby girls as twins, I will build a bungalow for them and if they happen to be two boys, I will build four flats for them”.  The first set of twins I had were two girls.  I bought several gifts for them and thanked God for answering my prayer.  Then came two boys—Akanni and Alani.  They were born on a Sunday. I built the four flats I promised them in Ibadan but under completion.

How my wives live…
Some of my wives live in their own houses that they bought; some in their own homes that they built I don’t rent houses for women.  I live in Ajah now simply because I had stayed too long in Bariga (I moved in there in 1970).  I have 12 flats in Bariga.  My family occupied three of these while the rest are occupied by my brothers, uncles, some of my long serving staff like my first driver and the truck driver. No part of the block of flats is on rent.
KSA....A loving father.
Why I never live under same roof with a woman in my life…
It’s hard to believe but I’ve never lived together in the same flat with a woman. The only time, it happened, it lasted for less than one year. This is not because they are not good but that is just the way I like it.  Even when I was living in a rented house, I had my own space.  I don’t know how God did it, but I had never got a flat that had a living room, which led to different rooms. No. I always had places where rooms are separate like the face to face type of buildings.

When I got to Bariga, I had four flats.  Two of my wives had each to themselves and the children. I took the other two flats.  The whole side of one flat I used mainly for my recordings and what I call my mad house.  The other flat, instead of the rooms, I use the living room for my bedroom, and I use the inner room for my temple.  So I had been living in the temple all my life.  But when I got to Ondo, God is so wonderful; I had a separate building for the temple…

I became a polygamist by my way of doing things, I wouldn’t call it by accident – I can call it a mistake.  I did it on my own, thinking that this is a man’s life, if a woman is not good, then, you look for another one, not knowing, that the moment children are involved, it is permanent. When I realized that, I said, okay, whoever is staying with me let her stay separately.  When I want to see her, I go to her flat.  When I want to talk to her, I go there.  They are free to come to my flat but they don’t sleep there.  This is because apart from having my temple in my house where I pray, I don’t like women going there and if you are with me you won’t be comfortable if another woman knocks on the door.  I also don’t want to sleep in my room and my wives would be counting days for me – three days in a week, this one will sleep, that one will sleep.  I laud those who do that.

 “I thought about it.  For the past 35 years hardly has a woman cooked for me.  And when you have two, three wives, what’s the need if they don’t cook for you?  Did you marry them only to have children?  It has gone wrong from the beginning.  I cannot blame anybody.  I cannot blame any woman, any member of my family or my in-laws”.
KSA, weird, creative, and private
How I sleep with my wives…
I believe that if you are staying in the same building with me, you have your entrance, I have my different entrance. You decorate your flat the way you like.  I don’t care how you do it. If I come to you, treat me as a loving husband and a father to your children and baba of the house. So the whole day, if I like to stay with you, it’s nobody’s business.  If any of my wives wants to see me, she doesn’t have to come.  She has to send somebody to me.  I would go.  And in case something is wrong somewhere or any of the children is ill, she can’t come and knock on my door, she has to send somebody to me.  I will go and if nobody is ill, I will tell her to her face that because she lied, I will not come to her place next time.  So they don’t lie.
KSA...In love with his guitar...
I feel that I am just lucky.  My wives have lived with me in the same compound for over 20 to 30 years now.  They know how I behave. They know what I want.  They know what I don’t want.  They have never made trouble with me.  And I do not bring up issues that will cause two women to fight or treat one better than the other.

How my children treats me…
The angle that I prayed to God and He also answered me is the one regarding my children.  All my children are united in spite of coming from different women.  Disagreements, which are bound to happen among the women, do not affect the children.  All my children like me and they often pray for me.  They know from the onset that I do not have a good marital life.  I have a lawyer as wife, a medical doctor and an engineer.  But I tell you, it is no pride to say that I have four or five wives.
Late Mum, rumored to have been the one behind KSA's meals in her life time
At a point, my children gathered together and said, “Dad, we think it is time for you to live alone”.  That was the surprise of my life.  I asked, “Are you speaking on behalf of other children?”  They said, “Yes.  You have been living alone in style.  So why can’t you live completely alone in your home so that you can have your cook there as usual?”  I thought about it.  For the past 35 years hardly has a woman cooked for me.  And when you have two, three wives, what’s the need if they don’t cook for you?  Did you marry them only to have children?  It has gone wrong from the beginning.  I cannot blame anybody.  I cannot blame any woman, any member of my family or my in-laws. They were there when I went with their children. Of all my in-laws, none in the name of God, none up till now has even scolded me.  Instead, they would always advise me…

(Excerpts from the book; KSA: My Life, My Music by King Sunny Ade. Read ‘Why I married an Alhaja as a Christian’ tomorrow on this blog)

Gbenga Dan Asabe

Africa's Number One Celebrity Encounter Blog

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