Wednesday, 17 February 2016

6 Reasons why today’s women don’t last in their marriage — Yetunde Babajide

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Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika...'Opray Winfrey is my role model'

Chief (Mrs.) Yetunde Babajide  a business woman, life coach and grass root politician of the All Progressive Congress (APC) in Lagos state is a woman you will ever fall in love with once you meet her.   
She is the MD/CEO of Yefadot Nigeria Ltd a real estate development firm with Head office at Ojodu area of Lagos-South West Nigeria. She is also the founder of Total Peace Organization an NGO that cares for the better life of the ordinary people. Mrs. Babajide who is well connected, is also the woman leader of the Buhari Support Organization (BSO) one of the leading political organizations that supported the candidacy of President Muhammad Buhari during the March 28th 2015 Presidential Election.

This woman of many parts recently celebrated her 50th birthday in Lagos and your Africa’s number 1 Celebrity Encounter blog,  Asabeafrika spoke to her about issues concerning marriage and reason why a lot of women in today’s society can’t  withstand the dictates of marriage any longer. Enjoy!

Chief Mrs. Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika...'I cant withstand a man who eats too much'

Ma, can you tell us what other things you do apart from politics and business?
I am into mediation, I am a councilor, if you come to me, even if you are a couple and you have problem, I will study you and I will bring out the fact. It is a natural gift. It is my calling, to tell people the truth. If you see two friends fighting, it only means something is lost from the relationship and what is that? Truth and fact. Truth and fact are not the same thing, there is different between truth and fact. The fact is that we are in this office this morning for an interview. The truth is that you are the journalist that came to this place. Truth is lost in Nigeria today and that is why a crop of never-do-wells deceived the leadership of the past regime in Nigeria and today we can see the result. So, the same thing applies to marriage, when truth is lost the marriage can never stand the test of time.

Chief Mrs. Yetunde Babajide with Ayo Ozumgbakun of TVC

What are these truths that get lost in marriages and lead to collapse of confidence?
 Some women will get married to their man and will like to take the man for a robot. That their husband supposed to do everything when they push him to do so; no, no, no, your husband is your partner. Sometimes ago I was with a female friend and she was complaining ‘oh, my husband didn’t give me money’ and I said ‘when was the last time you gave your husband money? Or is your husband a dead man?’ No, he is not a dead man? He is a living man, he is working, and you are working. If your husband didn’t give you money, give your husband money so that you can support yourselves. There is no law that says husbands should do everything at home.

Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika ...'I have helped settle many marriages in the past'

I am surprised you are saying this maybe that is the reason marriages are going dead today in Nigeria. Most women see men as burden bearers instead of partners?  
That is the real problem my brother, especially among our people. In 2011 God used me to settle and amend eleven marriages; I mean broken marriages o, by the time you publish this interview some of them will be reading it and I am sure they will write to you. I am very good at that, it is a gift. The problem is that majority of our people got the concept of marriage wrong in Nigeria. First of all if you are a woman and you are rich, there is nothing disturbing you from getting married to a man that is of average level. You only need to support him and two of you will come to the same pace and you move on with your life. There is no law that says because I am rich I must look for a rich man, no, you are getting it all wrong. We need to support ourselves. Secondly, there is no law that says a man is going into marriage to carry all the responsibilities, why? The man is only one; water and blood is equally running in his veins like his wife, so why do you want to kill him? A man and woman that want to spend their life together as husband and wife should bring their matter to the table. Two of them should sit down and discuss it, who are you? What do you have? What can you do? Are you ready to support me? As the husband is supporting the wife, the wife should be supporting the husband as well. Two of them should know themselves very well. What are they capable of doing together?

“If your husband didn’t give you money, give your husband money so that you can support yourselves. There is no law that says husbands should do everything at home”.

Mrs. Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika...'There is no law that says the man should do everything in the home front'

Both of you must be compatible…
Our women and our men in Nigeria are getting it all wrong. If you are a generous man and you marry a stingy woman you are going to have problem. Because when the husband is trying to give out, the wife will be discouraging the husband. And if the wife is a generous person and you marry a man that is not generous you are going to have problem. So, two of you should understand yourself very well and know what you can do together. You must be on the same pace. The husband must be a giver and the wife should equally be a giver that is when the equation will balance. That is number one point.
The number two point is that the husband should consider his wife as a living soul and the wife should equally consider her husband as a living soul, not a machine. So, if your husband didn’t have money and you have, put the money down; if your husband’s business is not moving well, put your  money down  to support your husband and bring him up to be on the same pace with his mates. You can borrow your husband money to do business then when the business succeeds both of you will share the glory. Everybody will agree with me that a prayer done to God by a couple is quickly answered when two of them have the same mindset and the same disposition to life. If they pray together with one heart, they will be blessed. So, there is no law that says the husband should be a burden bearer. You don’t expect your husband to be buying clothes for you all the time; buy for your husband too. If you put on a good clothe and you want people to see your husband and admire him, bring him up like your own. That is the logic there, it is not that my husband put money down and the money he put down is not enough, I will cook fish, no; go outside there and buy turkey, buy chicken, give him a good meal, he is not mad, he knows what the market is saying and he knows you are the one that put this thing down. Sebi your husband goes out to the bukateria to eat?. So, if you put the food on the table, he knows what your food worth and he knows how to appreciate you, he knows what to give. Lastly, husbands and wives who like to discuss their matter with a third party are only digging their own grave. If husband and wife keep telling third parties about their financial problems and other private issues my question is ‘when you were playing your love inside the room, why can’t you go out and tell people how you do it with him?’ If you won’t inform the public about your bedroom activities, every other thing between you is equally private”

The GDA meets Mrs. Yetunde Babajide, CEO, YEFADOT PROPERTIES

Husband & Wife must dialogue…
Again, today in Nigeria, husband and wife don’t dialogue. If you cannot do it early in the week, on Sunday after church put what you have be doing from Monday to Saturday on the table ‘Darling this is what happened’ then two of you will exchange ideas and at the end of the day you will discover you both don’t have problem. A lot of things have gone wrong because of lack of understanding between husbands and wives and that has given large rooms for a lot of fraud stars to defraud our women. Some 419 experts will now watch out for some rich women and they will disguise, claiming to love them only to end up duping them. Why? Because people don’t understand themselves again, they don’t tell themselves the home truth. I have seen many bad cases, a particular woman who felt her husband was not opening up to her ended up opening herself to one 419 guy who came across her. She taught she has found love not knowing he was a dupe. Do you know that this guy after sleeping with this woman now took her naked pictures and went  to show her husband, just because the lady refused to pay him a fortune; that is why I keep saying, if you are not ready for marriage, don’t go into it. Do whatever you want to do but if you know you are ready; you must learn to open up to your wife and your husband. That is how you can escape a lot of things in this world. It is a very simple thing to get married but one thing is that you must open up; you must endeavor to trust each other. 

“First of all if you are a woman and you are rich, there is nothing disturbing you from getting married to a man that is of average level. You only need to support him and two of you will come to the same pace and you move on with your life. There is no law that says because I am rich I must look for a rich man, no, you are getting it all wrong”.

Chief (Mrs.) Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika....'A lot of marriages break up because of lack of understanding between the man and the woman'

How  Church system messed up marriage vows
There are some husbands and wives these days, they don’t know themselves. Funny enough, you will see lot of them, they will say in our church, I dreamt. What are you dreaming about? You are dreaming about a life time journey? A journey that is everlasting, what type of dreaming is that? There is nothing like dreaming about marriage, the only thing there is know your partner very well, examine yourself during the courtship. Let me give you an example, there are lots of things people don’t know about marriage; husband can dislike the wife because of eating habit. The wife can dislike the husband because of snoring, snoring. I have met with a lot of couple in this world. I saw one woman who divorced her husband because of snoring. The wife said they cannot sleep together in the same room and unknown to her; there is no disease in this world that does not have a cure. If you go to the United Kingdom, they cure this snoring of a thing; it might just be one single immune system that got missing in the man’s body and they can work towards it and the man will stop snoring. Yet, the woman divorced the husband because of that.  In my own case, there is a particular kind of man that I dislike; I hate any man that likes food too much. Or we go eat out at a food canteen and you are served; only for you to say they should add more soup for you, that kind of thing disgusts me. I could be put off with just that and any man that does it; I may never have anything to do with such a man. So, everyone with his or her own peculiar way of life, I hate any man that is proud.  But a woman that cannot withstand a proud man but because the man is rich, you now get involved with him because of his money, that marriage is dead on arrival because that thing is in the man’s blood. He is a proud man, let him go and look for a woman that is proud so that their equation will be balanced. So, those are the little-little things people don’t know about marriage. It is a complete institution for me. Look at it, these days, some women will be watching their husbands, as soon as the man goes into the bathroom, they will carry the man’s phone and they will be searching it; it is very, very, very wrong. Your husband’s phone is his private property; you have no right to break into his privacy. Any problem he causes for himself, either through text messages or phone call, that is his own cup of tea, leave him with it because I have never seen in this world where a married man will impregnate another woman and they will say ‘go and call the wife’ have you ever seen that before?

Mrs. Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika...'There is no law that says a rich woman can marry an average man'

Not at all, ma
He is the one that impregnate the woman, so he should go there and sort himself out. I give kudos to one of my former governor’s wife. It is a story I heard from a reliable source. During her husband’s reign, a lady allegedly got impregnated by her husband and you know it is a very difficult thing to see a governor; she started looking for the governor but couldn’t find him. So, the woman now traced the first lady and decided to spill the beans. She said ‘oh, I am pregnant for your husband bla-bla-bla’. The first lady replied ‘and so what is my problem about that? Or was I there when you people were sleeping with yourselves? Go and sought it out with him”. So, the woman refused to entangle herself in the scandal; instead of embroiling her matrimony with the scandal, the woman decided to be diplomatic. She didn’t fight her husband’s concubine and she did not make war with her husband over it; because if you look at it practically, it was her position as the first lady that was at stake but she got over it very quickly. She asked the other woman, ‘what concerns me with my husband impregnating you?’ That is his own private life. If he thinks that is the best thing for him, so be it. In my own case, if I am a married woman and I get to know that my husband impregnate another woman outside our home, I will never discuss it with him, what concerns me about that? As far as he didn’t bring the woman to me at home, it is his own cup of tea. So, I used to tell women, don’t search your husband’s phone; his text messages or whatever, that is his own cup of tea and husbands too should respect their wives’ privacy because so many things happen”

“Secondly, there is no law that says a man is going into marriage to carry all the responsibilities, why? The man is only one; water and blood is equally running in his veins like his wife, so why do you want to kill him?”

Chief (Mrs.) Yetunde Babajide...'A woman must endeavor to help her husband grow in the face of adversity'

A  Woman once accused me of snatching her husband
 “I have personally experienced it sometimes ago because all I do in this life is from experience. There was a particular time a text message came into my phone at midnight and one woman told me to leave her husband alone; she said so many things despite my innocence. So, I called her number repeatedly, but this woman went further to even curse me and I said ‘well, I don’t know you, I am not in tango with you’ I mastered the number and anytime she calls I wont pick her call again. But one day like that, I just sent a text to the woman’s phone; I said ‘are you sure you are talking to the right person? check the number you are sending text messages to because I don’t know your husband and I am not going out with any married man, so, what is all this mess?’ from that moment the text message stopped coming. The woman didn’t call me again because she now found out that she was sending message to a wrong number. She eventually discovered her mistake and she started looking for me; sending a lot of appealing messages to me, praying for me and asking for forgiveness until one day I sent for her and I asked ‘what is your problem?’ and she said ‘her husband is promiscuous’ I said look at you, you are just working yourself up. Look at that, in the course of being jealous you have stormed another person’s peace; somebody you don’t even know. These are the things we must know. Your husband’s phone is his phone, and your own phone is your own that is why the white man called it a handset. Only a hand can hold it not many hands. If couples can live their lives like that, they won’t have any problem and life will be more peaceful and productive.

Chief Mrs. Yetunde Babajide...'I had to go learning how to cook many soups and dishes for learning sake'

Tell us about your husband?
I am a single parent. I told you I have a son, he is equally my husband. He is my best friend. But I have a friend I am going out with; he is a very popular person in Nigeria and well known. I like to keep my relationship with him in the background.
Are you marrying him?
If God wish but for now, he is my best friend, I love him very much because of his humble background and he is equally very hard working.
Is he a politician?
No he is not a politician; he is a business man and entertainer. He sings for people and I love him so much. Let us keep it at that.
Who is your role model?
Oprah Winfrey is my role model because she is strong, determined and humane. She fought to be who she is today. I have been following Oprah Winfrey in the last twenty five years; her philosophies and style. She is a hope giver and someone who tries as much as possible to bring the best out of anybody no matter how lowly they are. You can see today I am wearing a hair like that of Oprah Winfrey; at times I dress like her. I love her and for real I think she is influencing our generation.

Yetunde Babajide to Asabeafrika...'Yes, i have a man in my life. I love him. He is not a politician. He is a business man & Entertainer'

Tell us about your cuisine ability?
There is nothing I cannot cook. When you talk of cooking, there is no food I cannot cook, including Calabar meals, Igbo meals; I used my own money to go to Calabar Kitchen to learn how to cook not for professional sake but just for knowledge sake so that anywhere I find myself, I am capable of doing it. I can cook Afang soup, Edika-Ikong, Atama Soup, all the soups. I can cook Hausa meals like Tuwo, I am very conversant with the ingredients. That is the way I was brought up. To cap it all, I have Diploma in Catering and Hotel Management from Doff Institute because I am a voracious learner. In fact, it took me a very long time before I discovered that it is not necessary to know everything about this world because that was the way I was brought up. When I see someone doing something, I want to learn and know it and if possible practice it; when you talk of dry-cleaning business I know everything about it; I can prepare a stain remover, I mean the chemical. I can prepare 5 good ones on my own. I even have my own chemical I use for fumigation and de-rating. If I de-rat a particular house after fumigating, when I prepare my own chemical, if any rat eats my chemical and the rat dies, if any dog eats that rat, the dog will equally die. That is the level of my knowledge. I am a professional in all what I am doing. I know how to do all lot of things, when you talk of cream, soap, polish including different colors I am here to produce it and that are what led to my setting up of Total Peace Foundation which is my own NGO for poverty eradication and peaceful living.
Your best book?
It is 48 laws of power. It is one book that has given me enough confidence, I also read Mafia Manager which has to do with corporate environment.

Gbenga Dan Asabe

Africa's Number One Celebrity Encounter Blog


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