Sunday, 11 December 2016

Education is the reason why many women are losing their marriages today—Buari Oloto’s wife, Iya Oyo + Secret of her beauty at 60 +

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Chief (Mrs.) Sadiat Akanke Oloto with husband, Buari Alade Oloto

In this Second Part of our exclusive encounter with Alhaja Sadiat Akanke Oloto  the wife of Lagos land merchant and title Chief, Alhaji Buhari Alade Oloto, the international business woman of style who deals in gold and jewelries gave an inspiring insight into the real reason why many young marriages in today’s society breaks before their first, fifth or tenth year anniversary.
Famously called Iya Oyo, this strong Oyo born woman of native inteligence and style who was on her way back from the Holy land of Mecca, Saudi Arabia with her darling husband when she granted the interview took us round her interesting philosophy of marriage, motherhood and how to build a lasting matrimony. It is an interesting expose only on your Africa’s Number 1 Celebrity Encounter Blog, Asabeafrika.  Enjoy the excerpts.
Iya Oyo with her husband and daughter
Today, marriages break up before one year or two, why do you think ladies of today find it difficult to keep their marital vows?

Lack of patience. That is the first thing. Secondly, their level of education which is higher than ours is also disturbing them. I do tell many of them to be very patient with their husband. A woman’s first responsibility is to be patient with her husband. Don’t think we that lasted in our marriages didn’t make sacrifice, we did. And our sacrifice is “Stupidity”. We became stupidly humble in order to massage our husband’s tough hearts. If you are a bit stupid and foolish, you will have a successful matrimony, a lasting marriage. But if you start proving that you are right at all times or your husband is stupid, then you are on your way out, you will never succeed in a marriage. One of you must accept responsibility for the mistake, even if your husband proved that he is right at that time and you know that he is wrong, you just exercise patience. Later, later when you settle down, you can then say “Dear, you only cheated me the other time. I know you were only trying to show your masculinity” if that man is sane enough, he will hug you and say “Dear, sorry, I was wrong” he will definitely say so. I used to advise my friends and their daughters and even my daughters. I used to tell them that “you need to apply wisdom and be patient because a man can cheat you at times and he will still be claiming he is right”.
The GDA meets Buari Oloto's wife, Iya Oyo
But if you are gentle and intelligent, the man will end up apologizing to you at the end. It happens with my own husband, I will say “Alhaji, you only played a smart one on me. I was actually right” and he will say “Oh, sorry, my mother. I am deeply sorry” and it will end there. But today’s ladies are full of pride, they lack humility. They want to claim right at all cost because they feel they are educated which is too bad. Let me tell you a story. A young girl in London often visits me whenever I am in town.  She is my daughter’s friend. She had a boyfriend who co-incidentally was my friend’s son as well. All of them usually come to see me whenever I am in town. So, one day she told me about her boyfriend who offended her by having a fling with another girl. She said although, the boy apologized to her but she eventually decided to retaliate by also having a fling with a boy. So, I cautioned her and told her the implication of what she did. She said, ‘O yes, but what right does the boy posses to go and have a fling with another lady in her absence? And that the same right he has to do such also applies to her’. So, I knew she needed some lectures on life and I gave her.  I said it is a man that can do such with no iota of disgrace or moral let down but if a woman does it, then it becomes abomination. And if you are wise enough, your man will desist from doing such. She kept saying, “Mummy, since he did it, I also did it to retaliate”. She went further to tell me that the boy is even aware of her act and that he has also forgiven her since it was a tit for tat binge and that the guy said “no problem”, that he is not worried by her action. Being an elderly person, I told her there and then that the guy will not marry her again. I was saying it with a benefit of hindsight but she never believed me.
Iya Oyo to Asabeafrika...'I wish our women will learn how to separate educational qualification from marriage qualification'
A year later I saw her in Lagos and I was keen to know how she ended up with the issue. I asked her about the guy and she said “Ah, we have broken up”. I said to her “But I told you then and you never believed me”.  You said he has forgiven you, I said he didn’t forgive you. As from that moment he knew you could retaliate his action in terms of sleeping around, he will never feel comfortable marrying you again because he knows anytime you catch him having flings, and you could also retaliate by sleeping around with anyone. So, I warned her and prayed for her. I said ‘Now, you are in Lagos, Lagos people are not like London people o. The day they catch you with a flinger, they won’t even allow you to say “sorry”. So, be wise and apply wisdom in your dealings with men’. She thanked me and left.
Iya Oyo to Asabeafrika....'Education is presently destroying our girls marriages these days'
So, that is the reason why I said education is a bigger problem to our new crop of young girls because they love to claim rights all the time. Of course, education is good. We all want the best for our children but in as much as we give them education, we must also enlighten them on how to relate with their husband and how to handle matrimony as an institution. They need to be impacted with wisdom; you need to know how to relate to your in-laws, relate to your husband’s friends and people around him. Let there be trust, let your husband know your movement. Let him trust you, it is trust and humility that can bail you out of marital obstacles. So, that we don’t keep having bread and butter marriages. I call it bread and butter marriages because you construct it today and in six months time, it has been deconstructed. You have Pastors and Imams sitting to bless you in public and you allow judges and lawyers break you in secrecy.
Iya Oyo to Asabeafrika....'I don't know why a woman will tell her man that she want to revenge his promiscuity, it does not make sense to me'
What about those in the entertainment industry, do you think arrogance and too much of education is also the reason?
Iya Oyo to Asabeafrika....'Our young women are too conscious of their education to the detriment of their marriages'
Iya Oyo explaining a point to the GDA
The same thing applies to them. In their own case, the problem is multi-dimensional. First is popularity and second, is bad association. They feel because they are famous they could act like men but you cannot act like a man. You are not a man. You can’t say because they said your husband is dating somebody somewhere in town; then, you too will retaliate. Our husbands can gyrate, they can catch town but we cannot catch town because the home is ours. Our primary responsibility is to ensure that our gyrating husbands return into a peaceful atmosphere. With you in the fling spree, who will hold and mold the home? Who will make the home returnable? Some of them say they are celebrities; does that give you the license to be loose and single? The real celebrities I know in this Lagos, they all sat in their husband’s homes. They run a peaceful home. We have a lot of social senior sisters who are original celebrities that stood and stayed with their husbands.
Iya Oyo to Asabeafrika....'Building a successful home is different from having a good education'
They are not lost, they don’t fornicate and they don’t “retaliate”. They support their husbands in both good and bad times. Maybe our contemporary female celebrities lack counselors who can help them understand the nitty-gritty of marriage and the matrimony. But those aged celebrities before us were never like that. They had passion for family values and were in possession of their homes in their own days; you can’t hear that they are caught in any scandal or sleep around with low men, and that was why their marriages stood the test of time. They were disciplined and that applies to our own set, we cherish our matrimony a lot. And even some few young ladies that are coming behind have started imbibing this same principle and they can even advice an adult who want to stumble. This new crop of girls are really, really wise. For the majority who lack wisdom, we will keep praying for them. The reason is simple; any great woman who cherishes the goodwill of her children will never pray to lose her marriage. She will do everything possible to make it work and you can hardly see any product of a stable family growing wayward. It is children from broken homes that in most cases disturb the society later in life.
Iya Oyo to Asabeafrika...'Peer Pressure and arrogance kills our lady celebrities'
If your father and mother were united to the end, you discover that the tradition will be transferred to the next generation. But in some rare, exceptional cases, a lady that is well brought up from monogamy can grow up to become a wayward house wife due to bad influence or peer pressure. The kind of friends you keep matters a lot in life. I was watching a movie upstairs before you came in this morning, this particular lady,(In the movie) her husband often come home late in the evening as a result of traffic and city pressure. But the wife will always help undress him and make him feel like a man. She never saw anything bad in doing that. But immediately she told a friend about her humble gesture to her husband who often arrive home late as a result of traffic, the friend advised her to fight him and keep him in check. The man and his friends normally wine out at a joint to beat traffic and his wife trusted his discretion but the day she told her friend, calamities set into their relationship. And before you know it, their home broke up and their three children became casualties. In a particular scene in the movie, her husband came back from work only for her to stop him from moving around in the sitting room. The man was surprised and couldn’t imagine what befell his wife. But before he knew it, the woman got hold of a sharp object and threw it to the man. His head started bleeding as the cut. On getting to the hospital, he lied to the doctor that he had a domestic accident. But the doctor was able to discern that it was a domestic violence not an accident; and like in such cases, the union broke. So, bad friendship, bad influence could corrupt good manners.
Iya Oyo a Socialite with a difference
You are such a beautiful woman, I have seen several pictures of yours in the living and guest rooms. Even at 60, you are looking trim and sharp. What is the secret of your beauty?
Iya Oyo, an Epitome of Beauty and Style
It is God. I don’t have beauty secret. I use whatever my children give me, either Vaseline or cream. I don’t use any other thing. What I will just say is that a woman must watch what she eats. Food makes you big, and meat adds flesh to your body. Whatever you consume must be in moderation, food kills. I don’t eat much. I had a cup of tea this morning. Even yesterday, my house maid had to remind me for breakfast. I had my breakfast at noon with a friend who came visiting. I ate Jollof rice and the tea I had this morning is the next food after that meal since yester noon. I like fruits and vegetables. As a woman, you must eat in moderation. If God permits you to eat twice fine, but don’t eat late. You must have your super latest by 7pm, if you miss that time, then you can go to bed that day without meal. If it is fruit you can afford, you can have your sleep. But our people eat too much.
Alade & Akanke Oloto, Love made in Heaven
My husband hates gluttonous people. My husband can take just a cup of tea and biscuit for breakfast. And for lunch, he can have a small portion of wheat and vegetable soup. That is his style. So, that is for food. For cream, people are now getting awareness. Education is helping our women to stay away from using cream. You see that most of our educated kids nowadays don’t use cream again. There is no how ugly or beautiful they are, they will rather be ordinary than bleaching or toning with various creams.
A Caricature of Iya Oyo in her element
My children made me to know that; majority of their friends that I knew, none of them uses cream. But when we were young, illiteracy was in vogue and that was what led to the mad use of creams. Some of the elder women before us used cream wrongly and that is why you see their flesh go bad. But thank God for our new generation ladies, they are now enlightened and that is how they live. They marry their husband with their ordinary beauty, no creaming. Even in most advanced countries, you can’t even sell those kinds of creams any longer. If you display it in a mall, you will be sued and locked up. I think Nigeria should also embrace that policy.
The GDA engages Iya Oyo

You have really traveled wide for business and leisure, which country is your best holiday destination?
London is my second home. I like the ambiance of London city, right from my youth age when I started travelling; I have never found a place like London. If I am in London, it is like I am at home. In fact, I might stay two, three months in London if I am not trading around the globe. If I want to spend my annual holiday, I will be in London for two months. My husband often complain that I stayed too long, at times he visits twice before we both return back home. It is my favorite tourist destination. I do travel to America, Italy, Paris, China and other countries. But those are business trips. For holiday, it is London; it is home away from home. In fact I live as if I am in Lagos in London. I eat whatever I eat in Lagos, in London and that is why I say it is home away from home.
The Couple: Alade and Akanke Oloto
How do you start your day?  
I thank God Almighty for Allah’s grace. We have a mosque behind us here. Immediately the 5am prayer call comes, I will wake up by God’s grace. I will make sure I observe the prayer, that will take me to about 6:30am, I will return to bed. Then I sleep my second round. Like the time your SMS came this morning, I was about to go back to bed. I will sleep my second round, and then wake at 9 am. If I am sleeping at that time, if you are my guest, no one will wake me for you. You either return or wait. If I wake up by 9 am, I take my bath, have my breakfast then start picking my phone calls. If I have appointment with customers, then I move out to the office. I leave by 11 am and by evening I am back home to welcome my husband.
Who is your role model?
Iya Oyo in rare pose with her spiritual Father, Oba Lamidi Adeyemi (Iku Baba Yeye) The Alaafin of Oyo Empire
Iya Oyo with her darling husband, Buari Alade Oloto on their wedding day
My mum is my role model. I have all her habits, she is very accommodating. She is fashionable. In fact she does it better than me. If my mother wakes up and dresses up for you, you will think she is preparing for a beauty contest. She will raise her nails and tie her head gear in a very fantastic way. Before she passed away, she spent times with us in this house. She was about 105 years. In fact I can’t beat her in the area of beauty and fashion. She has one very interesting habit, if my mum wears a pink clothe, she will paint her finger pink.
Iya Oyo...A Very Stylish Lady...Just like her mum...
If it is yellow, she will paint her finger yellow. Till she passed away, she was doing all that and the peculiar thing about her was that despite her age, her hair was still fresh and black. She was a fashion model. If she wears green, she will paint her nails in green. She spent three months with me in this house before returning to Oyo where she passed away after three months. She died in year 2009, Mama was very interesting. One day she put on her robe and called one of my girls, Subomi who is now in UNILAG. She was asking for my paint because she was wearing green and the way she does it, you will see that she wasn’t complete without complementing her nails with the color of her fabric. So I asked her, ‘mama, what happens to this green nails if you change clothes tomorrow?’  And she said ‘don’t worry, at least, this one will last twenty four hours before I demand for a change’. It was quite funny to us. One of my friends was equally surprised that Mama was still using paint at 105. But that was my mum for you.
The Olotos with Iku Baba Yeye, Oba Lamidi Adeyemi, The Alaafin of Oyo
What is her full name?
Alhaja Hawau Adeleke. She was a big fan of late Fuji lord, Dr. Sikiru Ayinde Barrister. She often dances to his songs every morning. She was the Iyadini of Oke Apo Central Mosque, in Oyo. She also had a title at Araromi in Oyo state. She was a prominent woman.  She was a rare woman in her own time.
Chief (Mrs.) Akanke Oloto, a woman of many parts
Can you tell about some of your titles?
I thank God for all. I am the Yeye-Luwa of Ido-Osun in Oshogbo, Osun state. I am also the Yeye-Wura of Itire Land. I am also the Iyalaje Adinni of Oto Central Mosque. I am the Yeye-Oba of ADO-Odo-Ota, Ogun state. I am the Arigbabuwo Adinni of Itire Central Mosque in Lagos and the Asiwaju Obinrin of Orepeju Club, in Surulere here. I think that is enough for you (laughter)
Iya Oyo with Fuji Music Lord,King Wasiu Ayinde Marshal, K1 De Ultimate
Lastly, can you advise women generally on how to build good homes?
Women should try to raise good children; there is no child who will not want to be heady. especially when they gain admission to school and far away from parental care but you must continue to put them through.
Iya Oyo with her husband Chief Buari Alade Oloto with His Royal Majesty, Oba Rilwan Osuolale Akiolu (Olowo Eko) Oba of Lagos on Iya's daughter's wedding day in Lagos
No child is too big to be scolded or caned. Don’t pamper any of your kids. I still advise my children till date. I don’t see any child that is too big to advice, teach your children so that you will have peace. When it is time to pamper, pamper them but when it is time to discipline, discipline them. No child is too big to be put through. May God guide all our children and make them a success for all of us.
The GDA thanks Iya Oyo for the rare privilege to interview her in the very early hours of the day

Gbenga Dan Asabe

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